This is not a book review. Sometime in the past week, I got to read Toke Makinwa’s new memoir and even though the author had not set out to teach these particular lessons, I picked a couple of things I thought were worth sharing with you. Here goes:
- Look Beyond the Surface:
In the book, the author had fallen in love with someone she described as good-looking. She compared him to Micheal Power. Apart from his ‘tall, dark and handsome’ features, he also had such smooth moves. Or how else would you describe a guy who sends you a package of peppered snails, just some minutes after you told him your favorite food is peppered snails? In one sentence, he’s got game, so she entered a relationship.
Reading this, I remember back in Uni, how big this issue of a guy having game was. During one of my church’s annual love services (We called it June of Love, because it always held around that time of the year), it was made clear that church boys, especially, can be boring and this ‘having game’ thing is one of the reasons good girls were attracted to bad boys.
I thought it was true as well, until I realized much later that looks or game were only things on the surface and no one should be gauged by just those. The book just sort of confirmed that. So, if you are looking to enter a relationship anytime, be sure to look deeper.
- Compromising your Standards for Anyone is Totally not Worth it:
I picked this lesson from the line where the author said she had bleached her skin, just to please her husband. Oh well, I don’t know if before then, she had any standard against that, but she said she did it just so that her husband could prefer her.
She reiterated almost the same thing when she said that she had agreed to film a sex tape with him, because she wanted to do all she could to keep her man.
Reading this, I remember how I used to like a guy so much (I shared more on this here) that I was willing to delete all the ‘good’ songs on my playlist, just so when he picks my phone and sees what’s left, I would qualify as his kind of girl. He also used to offer to send me money, with which I could travel from school, without anyone’s consent, to party with him and his friends. I didn’t succumb to this eventually but some years down the line, when the much sought-for relationship didn’t happen between us, I realized that if I had done things much worse than the things I did to please him, I would only have regretted it later.
So, as a girl or a guy, don’t worry. At the right time, you’ll find the right person and God, who initiated it, will help sustain your relationship without you yielding to compromise(s) to please or keep them.
- Be Sure you are not Settling:
A friend of mine, who used to be a student of UNILAG once told me that she didn’t have any issue with her boyfriend cheating on her. In fact, she knew her boyfriend was a cheat and she was okay with that. Well, because the other ladies (whom she had called bitches) were just side chicks. She was the one getting the ring. As far as she was concerned, in that game, she was the winner.
Believe me, I was shocked when I heard that. Didn’t even know people thought that way. Anyway, on reading Toke Makinwa’s book, I found the place where she said her boyfriend had affirmed the fact that he was cheating, but she should be cool with that since she was the wife (not yet, but was going to be) and she was the mistress.
Like what? Again? I critically had to ask myself why people would even fall for a line like that and the only possible explanation I got was that they must have really exalted whoever they were dating, so much they think their lives/happiness depended on that relationship, or that they were privileged to be in that relationship or that they can’t get someone better. This once again brings self-esteem in the view for me.
Now, low self-esteem can make anyone tolerate absolutely anything and that’s why, you really have to know your self-worth, love yourself and understand that no one should be made the center of your life or the source of your happiness, except God.
So, just before you enter a relationship with anyone, be sure that you are not overly-exalting them. If you are, it just might be a sign that you are settling.
I’m just going to stop here for this post. I’ve still got a couple more coming plus giveaways, of course, before the end of the year. So, stay in touch. Of course, if you are subscribed, I’ll personally deliver the news of a new post to your mail.
I love you guys and I hope you are already planning for the 2017. If you need help putting your plans in shape, you can let me know in the comment box below. I’d really love to help.
With Love 🙂 ,
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