Your Boobs Are Big Enough. Focus on These 4 Things Instead.

Hi guys,

I don’t quite remember doing this but I think I once shared a story with you of a guy who said he could not date me because my boobs were too small. Now that I write this, I’m certain I shared it with you – in that post where I talked about the insecurities I had due to certain parts of my body not growing the way they should.

Anyway, that was a long time ago but for a while, I did let that statement affect me. As it is with many people who have ever been victims of body shaming or low self esteem as a result of their looks. Thankfully, I  came to realize early that there is so much more to me than boobs.

Rather than focus on what this guy thought of me, I learnt that there were certain other things I could focus on building within myself – things that would define the woman I become, so much that it gets to a point where people would admire and respect me not because of how I looked, but because of the things I have built within myself.

Seun Olagunju

It’s quite heart-breaking, seeing as so many of us focus on looking so good physically but within, are just empty. Today, I’ve decided to share with you guys, 4 of the things I think are more worthy of your attention than the mere length of your lashes or just how wide your hips are.

  • A Personal, Intimate Relationship with God:

I have put this first because as I have come to learn, people with a good relationship with God have a clearer understanding of their identity and self-worth than others. I’ll tell you why.

One, your identity is in God and the more you know Him, the more clearly you also begin to know about yourself. Two, in this relationship, you will find your purpose and three, the moment His light starts to shine through you, you become so attractive, not only from the outside but because of what you radiate from within.

A lady who knows this, has this relationship and is in the place of her purpose is much more beautiful than one who is only concerned about adorning herself physically.

Beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.

  • Brains:

I use the term ‘brains’ to refer to being intelligent. Something happened some days ago, which actually is the reason I decided to write this post.

I was seated in the bus on my way to work, when these three very beautiful ladies entered and sat in front of me. They had fine human hairs on, false lashes and from the way they were dressed, I could tell that they were real ‘slay’ mamas. One of them particularly caught my attention because she was trying to post these very sleek pictures of herself on Facebook. Being the learner that I am, I decided to watch as she filtered the pictures, just in case there were one or two things I could learn from. {pS: Guys, it’s bad habit to go through what others are doing when they’re on their phones. I knew that, but then …}

Anyway, all was going well until she got to the part where she had to write a caption. At first, I noticed she was trying to capitalize a particular letter but for some reason, she just didn’t know how to. She kept trying and trying until her friend eventually pointed out where the shift/alt key was. From where I was, I could see inner me already rolling her eyes but I had to remind her that maybe this girl just wasn’t used to phones that had this sort of keyboard.

Then, she wrongly spelt ‘his’ as ‘is’. I thought again she made a mistake, until I saw that same friend take the phone to correct the spelling. At this point guys, whatever admiration I had for this girl’s outlook just went down. I can’t conclude here that she is not smart but that experience emphasized to me how important it is to build an intelligent mind over mere physical appearances.

You need to ask yourself: ‘Can someone at this stage sit to have an intelligent conversation with you?’, ‘Can you contribute brightly to help solve a problem or drive a situation forward?’, ‘Are your arguments clever?’, ‘Can you really stand to represent your class, family or organization at an event or function?’, ‘Do you speak or write well?’

These questions are just a few of other important ones you need to ask yourself where your mind is concerned. An intelligent lady commands more respect than a merely pretty one.

  • Character:

I’m sure you saw this coming, right? Yeah. 😉 Guys, I honestly cannot over-emphasize this. Your character – who you are, how you treat other people – is very, very important.

Good looks does not cover for everything. When you cover up a bad character with a beautiful appearance, it is like packing up rotten food in a crystal ware. Eventually the maggots will start to crawl out and the smell will leak.

Focus on the kind of person you are becoming and build your character. It will make you stand out, before anyone and everywhere – at the workplace, in the home and at your other places of service. Character will sustain your relationships longer than a beautiful face ever will.

“Scour the Insides, then the steaming (beautiful) surface will mean something”- Matthew 23:26 Click To Tweet

  • Impact:

Once at a conference, I heard the story of a woman who lost her life in a plane crash. At her funeral, her family and friends were called to say significant things about her while she was alive.

When they spoke however, none had anything to say except how beautiful she loved looking and how she liked good clothes and shoes.

That story, amongst other similar ones I’ve heard, reminded me that physical beauty is very unsustainable. At death, it will rot. When that happens, what is left of a person is the legacy they leave behind and how meaningful their lives were. This is where impact comes in.

Impact in this sense means leaving a positive mark in the lives of the people around us and consequently, in the society at large.

Where this is concerned, I have learnt that making an impact is not a function of how much you have in your bank account, neither is it a function of your age, social class or background.

You can touch people’s lives simply by the words of your mouth and the actions of your hands, no matter how little they seem. At the end of the day you’ll see that a meaningful life is much more beautiful than a merely physically adorned one.

Quick exercise: Now, imagine you have all these things and one guy still says he can’t date you because your hair is not as long. Please, whose loss is that? Exactly. So, take your attention off just how you look on the outside and focus on building what you have within.

rupi kaur, milk and honey X seun olagunju

These are the 4 things I will be to sharing you today. I hope you learnt something. If you did, share it with me in the comments below. Also, if there is something else you know we should focus on building but I did not mention here, share that with the rest of us too.

Till later, guys.

I love you ❤


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Author: Seun Olagunju

I'm just a simple 24-year-old girl, living for One and working to make the world a better place than I met it. I love to teach and tell stories, which is what I do as a blogger. I'm also the founder of Beyond the Surface Development Initiative. There, I reach out to teenagers by educating and empowering them, with an aim to curb the increasing number of teenage pregnancies and school drop-outs in Nigeria. When I'm not writing or involved in a social project, I work as a Product Manager with a tech firm in Lagos, Nigeria.

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  • I couldn’t have said all these any better.
    But then, how you get to talk about these things amaze me. Lol. ‘You no send’.
    On the other hand, I’ll take a guy with brains over and over again. Intelligence turns me on. One can’t but notice a smart person. They really do not have to say a word.

    I hope others get to read stuff like this and then understand that beauty and physical appearance isn’t all there is to life. They are just one of those down the list things.


  • I love this post and I am especially in love with the picture quote you included. In this appearance crazy world we often forget that beauty can’t be defined merely by physical attributes. I have had people walk up to me to say they like me and I ask why and they say ‘You’re pretty”,normally this should make me happy but I feel sad instead that I have being labeled and put in a box simply because of how I look. There’s more to us than how we look. Our beauty is skin deep. Blessed be.

  • i love the way you address the issues everyone pretends not to bother about, but we all know they’re eating us, this is a beautiful one here….even though say na guys dey cause most of this wahala.
    thank you for speaking on our ladies’ behalf.