Story Time: Why I Went Back to a Wrong Relationship, Three Times.

There are some relationships that are wrong & we know it. We see them everywhere – In the news, where a man has just shot his wife to death; Around us, when our friends start picking up wrong habits to please their partners or try to hide their swollen eyes and bruised faces with make up and so on. It is however one thing to get into a relationship and back out upon realizing that it is wrong. It is another thing to back out of a wrong relationship and yet decide to give it another try, and again yet another try.

Why would anyone even do that? You ask. Well, instead of sitting on our self-righteous chairs and point fingers, perhaps today’s story will help open our eyes a bit to see why people make those kinds of decisions.

{Big shout out to my friend who chose to share her story with us, even though she has decided to remain anonymous.}

____________________

“The whole thing started in February 2013. I was helping my aunt’s friend out at her cafeteria that particular day, when he came in with his friends to eat. Before he left, he asked for my number and even though I still can’t point out the reason behind my action, I gave it to him.

We got talking on the phone regularly and I got to find out some things about him, including the fact that he was a part 2 student of Crawford University. Asides from being good looking and tall, knowing that he was also a student of a private university further heightened my attraction for him and just a week later, we started dating.

The relationship was just there, but I still kept pushing what we had, ignoring some of the red flags I was beginning to see, until his birthday later in July that year. I called and texted him, but because he was home from school, I also expected more –  like him calling me up to just hang out or something like that. That day, my doubts about the relationship were enhanced and I wanted to break up with him, but I thought it was his birthday. I didn’t want to ruin that.

The next day, I started having these feelings that something bad was going to happen between us. I didn’t know what it was until he sent me a break-up text later in the day. Although, I had tried to break up with him first, I really felt very heart-broken and made a resolve to break the heart of any guy who ever again crossed my path.

I didn’t hear anything from him until 5 months later. Before then, I got a job and eventually, an admission into school. All of these helped to take my mind off the break-up, even though there were times when I still tried to call him. Anyway, my admission was a much-sorted getaway and I was doing well for myself, until he texted me again in December about how he wanted us to get back together. I didn’t agree at first, but we started to see each other again constantly and one day over the phone, I accepted.

That was how we started the love affair again. Like before, it was just there, only this time, it was emotionally and financially draining but still I stayed. Whenever any of us made an attempt to call the other, we’d talk. If nobody did, then we won’t talk. Even though I knew the relationship was wrong, I still tried to make things work. I was the one who called the most and I really tried to show him how much I loved him. He saw all that and started to take me for granted.

We broke again sometime that year, but it didn’t last. He came back again and I accepted. Nothing really changed. He still had his anger problem, which he most transferred on me from the bad family issues he was having. Any issue he had with his family, I was the one who suffered for it. Around this time, I was writing for my final exams and then, the verbal abuse started. He would be chatting and if I said something, it would immediately cause a backlash. In one of those chats, I said something and he replied with how pathetic my response was and how chatting with me always made him sick.

We didn’t talk for a long time after that and one day, he sent me a break up text again. I didn’t understand why he would do that, considering the fact that I was writing my final exams, but he did. We reestablished contact some months later, on BBM, where he kept saying he wanted to see me again, wanted to date me again and stuff. Then, some months later, we met and he brought up the issue of wanting to date me again. When I said no, he stood up and left me seated at the restaurant all myself.

I guess that was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. He has tried to reach me again after that, but I’ve learnt my lessons, a couple of which I’m sharing here today:

One, as to why I kept going back into the relationship, it was low self-esteem. I used to see him as the best guy ever, judging from his physical attributes and social status (I mean, he was in a private university and he was quite influential). I thought that I could never find anybody else and so, I ignored all his faults and kept going back.

Two, I learnt that dating before getting to know someone at all is bad. There really is no rush and one should learn not to hastily jump into something as big as a relationship.

Three, I got into that relationship way too young. I had just finished secondary school. I was immature and naive and all of these played a huge factor in the decisions I made while in the relationship. I learnt that maturity has a huge part to play in a relationship.

Finally, I think excessively showing a person how much you love them is a bad idea. I did and he used it against me while in the relationship.”

Related Post: Story Time: 17, Drop-out & Pregnant.

____________________

So, guys, there you have it. Now, we kind of see why a lot of people go back into a wrong relationship, right? Low self-esteem. I know it’s only one of plenty others, but I do hope that we all can learn to first work on ourselves, understand our self-worth and carry ourselves in that light before jumping into a relationship. No, your life (you know, that life you want) does not begin in a relationship, irrespective of whoever we are in it with.

I also used to think that private university boys were bae. You know, with all their sharp dressing and stuff, but now we see that it’s not healthy to just gauge people by what we see on the surface. Social status, material possessions and handsome/pretty features is just not enough. Do we understand?

Related Post: 3 ‘Can Pick Lessons’ from Toke Makinwa’s On Becoming

So, to that last lesson our story teller shared, what do guys think? Do you agree it’s a bad idea to excessively show a person you are in love with them or not? Share your thoughts with me in the comment box below and of course, all the other lessons you might have also picked from the story.

Till later,

Tirzah.

Sharing is caring!❤

Author: seun olagunju

Just a simple 22 year old all out to making an impact.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • For me, I think its not so good to excessively show how much you love a guy. When I care for someone I do that unbridled which is not always a good thing in the end because they take it for granted.

    So I’ve learnt to conceal my feelings as much as i can NOT because I’m pretentious or i don’t love them. In fact, I love them with my whole heart and never want to let them go howbeit, I’ll show it but not excessively.

    • Thank you Omolara. In as much as I do have what to say about this, I really would like to hear what others have to say too.

      Before this post, I really was a “if i love you, I’d let you know” kind of person. I still am. I never saw what’s wrong in it, but to an extent, I think I understand you and I think that the essential thing here is being in a relationship with the right person.
      A relationship is a two-way thing. Both parties should learn to be totally truthful with one another, even where feelings are concerned and both parties should learn to give sacrificially to the other as well. If the person you are in a relationship with is right, mature and God-fearing, such a person will not take advantage of you in any way. Just my thoughts though.

      • I don’t totally agree though, some people do not deserve to know how much you love them… lol. I think for me though, I’d first observe just how much he loves me and then that’s the same thing I’m giving back.
        Relationships require a lot of work..commitment, trust, sacrifice, add that to school work (if you’re a student), distance and time difference (if it applies)..etc and generally, they can be exhausting. You have to be in the right frame of mind to get into one, and like you said it’s a two way thing, one party can’t be giving and the other receiving…it doesn’t work that way.

  • The principal thing that affected the relationship right from the start was maturity! It was missing…
    It would have solved many of the deviations – the low self esteem, tripping for frivolity (what the hell is private university?), and all…

    It’s just a sad thing many people rush into what is meant to make them better and happy, and rush out worse and broken! you have got to recognize a man of substance and value, that you can both plan your lives together… not just one slim leg person with no bit of future plan for both his life and the relationship you entered with him.

    • Lol, Murphy. Thank you. I can literally feel the PASSION in your comment. Like what the hell is private university? really? but it’s true. Maturity was lacking and I’m glad she herself realized that at the end. + I went through your blog. You write Poetry?! keep it up o. Well done.

    • Thank you Idee. Thankful that we can learn from these mistakes. I guess that’s what makes them worthwhile at the end. Plus, Murphy also mentioned maturity, which I agree is very important.

      PS: I checked out your blog and believe me, I’m going to be checking it out more often. You mentioned your hair is almost waistline! Wawu. My hair needs a lot of help.