I Love You Babe, But I’m Not You {Or That 1 Thing To Never Define Your Self Worth by.}

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You know how we tend to feel very good just by virtue of our association with certain people? especially if they are really influential? Yeah. So for instance, you walk into an event with the president or let’s bring it down a bit, the convener of the event and it just feels so good to be close to this person, because ‘hello, isn’t this the same person whose attention everyone else is craving?’

It was the same with me too. Writing this, I remember something that happened at a conference I attended sometime back. The event had just finished and most of the attendees had started going to the speakers to greet them, talk and take pictures. Where I was, I decided to also go over and say hi to a particular speaker, just like the others. We all stood in some sort of queue, waiting for our turns. However, when she saw me, she said ‘ahn ahn Seun. You too? What are you doing here? You’d better just go and sit down and wait for me to finish so we can go home together.

Gosh! I felt so good! In my mind, I interpreted what she said to mean ‘but Seun, you can’t be amongst this crowd now. You are coming for a selfie, really?! You and I are closer than this. Please go and sit down and wait for me.’ I mean! I felt on top of the world.

One thing was however wrong with this and I’d get back to it in bit. As some of you know, I struggled a lot with low self-esteem and in my attempt to come out of it, I made a lot of mistakes. One of which was placing my confidence in the wrong things and letting them define my self-worth.

Now back to what was wrong with ‘feeling like I was the most special person in the room, just because an influential person gave me a familiar treatment’? You probably already guessed it by now. I had started to place my confidence in the calibre of the people I knew and letting that define my self-worth.

We kind of all do this, whether consciously or not. It’s even worse if the person involved is the person you are dating (assuming that the relationship is serious and might one day lead to marriage). This is because you tend to feel attached to your boy/girlfriend and see whatever is happening to them as happening to you too.

So you are the happiest person in the world when he bags his PhD; the most fulfilled when he launches his book and the most proud when he lands that job with the official car. It feels like it’s you that has achieved all these things too and in the midst of the thrills that come with being associated with this very successful boyfriend, you forget to live.

You forget to work hard for your own degree; forget to write your own book; forget to develop your skills, because somewhere at the back of your mind, you’ve forgotten that you are not your boyfriend.


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If there is however one lesson that I have learnt on my journey and would like to pay forward to you too, it is this:

Your self-worth should never be defined by the {calibre of the} people you know.

You are not them. You have your own life to live. Live it. Pursue that degree. Get a job. Start a business. Build yourself and stop living in the image and reputation of other people.

Besides, relationships, because they are defined by people, can be faulted by time. One minute you are close to this person, the next minute, you are not and if that person happens to be the one in whom your worth is placed, what would happen to you then?

Apart from relationships, there are still a couple of other things that we wrongly measure our worth by. Would have loved to share them here but inner me is telling me that they deserve their own separate posts, so I’ll just share them with you one after the other over time.

Till then, never forget that you are your own person and that you are a queen.

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Or king :).

Your self-worth should come from within and only from the knowledge you have of who you are – in light of the person that God has created you to be. This knowledge should then be the only thing that defines how you see and consequently carry yourself.

So, no more self defining famzing, okay? Okay.

I feel like there is more I should say here but I’m just going to save it for the other posts. I hope that you learnt something today guys. If you did, kindly share it with me in the comments below. See ya!



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Author: Seun Olagunju

Just a simple 23 year old all out to making an impact.

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  • Oh yea…this is me you are talking to…I’m still struggling with that…I was so fond of my ex a lot…months after he died I’m still searching for my happiness, still learning to find fulfillment and joy in what I do. I find it so hard to enjoy my company because my happiness then was because he was around…it sucks yeah… Thank you for this…

  • Let me use this illustration -Just because your dad is rich does not mean you are the rich one here. Live your own life, strive for yourself … Thank you Seun, very insightful.

  • “Your self-worth should come from within and only from the knowledge you have of who you are – in light of the person that God has created you to be.“
    Awesome piece ma’am, awesome!

  • Very right Seun!
    You know my ex kept calling to ask how I was coping.
    I understand he’s trying to care but he was wondering how I’ve become totally happy and looking great without his usual assistance and all.
    I mean I had thought I wouldn’t survive school without him though.
    Here I am….I’m great doing me (being independent) and pursing purpose.
    Thanks for sharing Seun!

  • . This post spoke volumes to me.
    Thank you Seun.
    I know you’re not done with it.
    So when you complete the series, I shall be here.
    But till then.
    Thanks for speaking the words I cannot voice out.

    Your style is CLASSY !!