February: A Season of Heartbreaks & Headaches; A Month of Quietness

February really should be about love 💕, I know but seriously guys, my head is pounding. I am so tired, confused and frustrated. I know I really shouldn’t be feeling this way. I mean, I have often heard that on the journey to finding God’s purpose for your life and doing what He wants you to do, the only way you should feel is fulfilled. So, when this hasn’t been the case for me, I knew that something was wrong.

At this beginning of 2017, one thing that was at the top, like way at the top of my prayer list was ‘knowing what God wants me to do in this year and doing it.’ So, I started the year so preoccupied with this ‘I’ve got work to do’ mentality and I’m not surprised really, that just barely a month into the year, I already feel like I’m crashing. The truth is, there really is a lot to do. I mean there is my personal life, family, work, relationships, YouTube channel, blog, an unfinished book, the social enterprise – Tirzah’s and more recently, The Lady Blooming,  which is like a fellowship for teenagers. All of these things are important, yeah and I’m sure I didn’t start a single one without divine leading.

However, in the midst of all these work, it feels like I am sinking. One minute, I’m elated, the next minute, my heart is really heavy. This switch makes me really confused. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this way before.

So for instance, before the lady blooming held her first fellowship on Sunday, I was so excited – so excited that I even made an Instagram video where I was just singing and dancing {Some of you saw that}. I had prepared my notes, prayed like crazy, reminded all the members and was downright expectant that at the end of the fellowship, we would all come out feeling ‘whoo!’ By the time the fellowship ended an hour later, all my adrenaline had left and I was beginning to fear that the only person that really got anything could just have been me. So, imagine my horror, when I asked my sister how it went and she replied me with a cold ‘it was good.‘ Like literally, my heart broke. Even if she had learnt something, that really wasn’t the response I was expecting. So, despite all the excitement of earlier, I went to bed that night, really humbled.

That switch happened again yesterday, following a couple of things I saw on Instagram and as I was going home in the bus, with my heart heavy, the Holy Spirit spoke to me, in a gentle whisper.

He said, ‘Seun, you think your fulfillment is in your work. It’s not. It’s in God and the moment you step out of that closeness you have with Him and begin to run on your own to do His work, you may begin to lose it. This place where you are is for quietness.’

and there I heard that word again, ‘Quietness’.

He continued, “Everything hinges on your knowledge of Christ, Seun and the realities of who you are in Him – these are things you only find in a quiet place.”

He then reminded me of something we had both agreed to ride this year on in our relationship. You see, just before we entered 2017, I had told Him that the world was getting too busy with different things. Social media is literally buzzing with someone’s activity or the other and He had told me that if I didn’t want to be consumed by all that, I had just one thing to do – keep my focus on Him. Just like Peter, that was the only way I could avoid sinking.

So maybe, I had drifted my gaze. Maybe that’s why my head pounds so much but now I know that quietness – ‘the hearts connected like no one else is around, intimate’ kind of quietness is what I need for this season and maybe that’s what you need too, if you are currently in that place where rather than feel fulfilled on the quest of finding purpose, you are feeling frustrated and confused.

 

Throughout this month (except for valentine’s day, where I might do something ‘loveish’), we are going to be exploring quietness. I’ll be sharing stories with you guys of people who have found peace in the middle of a storm; pictures; lessons from my quiet place and maybe a couple of to-dos as well.

I am soo sure someone somewhere needed to read this, cos this is definitely not what I had planned for February. So, do share with your friends 😊.

Till later, with Love ❤,

Tirzah.

 

 

Sharing is caring!

Author: seun olagunju

Just a simple 22 year old all out to making an impact.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • To some extent, i think its our imagination (the mind working against it) or the “bad guy” trying to pull one back from achieving that great thing.

    Often times, i feel this way too. I am excited to do some good stuffs and in the next moment i’m no longer motivated to do it anymore. I become sick, tired to move on (I’m sure you know what i mean).

    Maybe if we could spend more time in the place of praying asking for more strength to continue pressing on despite all odds that would settle it all.

    PS: The fellowship on Sunday was awesome. You gave an assignment i’m not ready to cheat on. *winks*

  • How am I just seeing this?
    You wrote this for me, Seun. I’m the someone, somewhere that needed to read this.
    God works in amazing ways and I’m so grateful that you wrote this.
    I love you Oluwaseun.
    P.S:
    The fellowships have been great, really and I always enjoy it. Truth be told, i always look forward to it.