I told a friend a few days ago that I am currently not in a happy place. It’s been like that for a few weeks now. One day maybe, I’ll tell you the story of what happened but not yet, because, unlike every other experience I have shared with you here, I’m yet to make sense of this one. However, as confusing as this experience might be, these past few weeks have also been very enlightening. And today, I’m going to share with you guys two of the lessons I’ve been learning.
If you are currently in a place of hurt or should you ever find yourself there, I believe these lessons will come in really handy.
#1: God is Involved in Every Detail:
One of the very first emotions I felt following what happened to me was fear. I was afraid because I thought I had God’s leading on this aspect of my life and watching everything come crashing made me so uncertain about whether or not I even heard God in the first place – about whether or not everything He’s ever told me was real.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been in that place, where you are holding unto God’s word concerning something – could be the health of someone you love, admission into school, provision of a certain need, anything – and things just happen in the exact opposite. If you’ve been there, you’ll know how scary this place is, because what else is there to hold unto if not God’s word? I felt like that too. I felt like if this one thing I was so certain about could come crashing, how was I even sure that my relationship with God is real and when I say I hear Him, I actually do.
Then one morning, on my way to work, I brought out my phone and started reading Psalm 139. That scripture that says ‘Dear Lord, You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise. You know when I go out and when I lay down to sleep. Before a word is on my tongue, you God know the full sentence I’m going to say …’
I kept reading that scripture, till it got to the part that said ‘All the days ordained for me have been written in your book, before even one of them came to be.’ And there, it hit me, God knows. He knows everything that could possibly happen to me, even before I lived out one day. He knew this was going to happen, and thinking about that, something else suddenly made sense.
You see, the Sunday before, I had decided to attend service at The New. I was super late but I came in just in time to hear the concluding story in the pastor’s ministration. He said he was in a restaurant one day, when all of a sudden, he got the nudge to pray with the waitress. At first, he was hesitant but then, he did. When he was done, the waitress broke down in tears and said, just the previous day, she had stood on that very spot and for the first time in my life, she had prayed and told God that if indeed, He exists and if indeed, He loves her, He should send somebody to her. She was crying because it felt surreal, standing there the very next day, on that same spot, with a strange man in front of her, praying with and telling her everything she was going through. When he told that story, I had looked at my friend, Debby, who was sitting beside me and I had said ‘Debby, God is real.’ That was honestly the only thing I got from that service, with no idea that four days later, I would be sitting in a bus, questioning the realness of my relationship with God.
I had no idea but God knew. He knew what happened would happen, that my mind would question if what I have with Him is real and that I would need that knowledge of Him being real to comfort me.
I’m passing this knowledge forward to you as well, if you are in that place of hurt and your mind is doubting. God is real. He knows what you are going through and He is involved in every detail of your life. I hope you take comfort in that and in this:
and in this too:
Another thing I felt following what happened was a void and with that void, came a longing to heal.
Usually with voids, we begin to look out to anything – anything whatsoever that can fill them. We hear people say ‘do whatever makes you happy’ and you do, only to find that most of these things are fleeting and the happiness that comes with them is nothing but momentary. At least that was what I found out.
There have been moments when talking about this experience brought relief, but it was temporary. There have been moments when my friends, who have been more present in this season than ever, reached out, organized sleepovers and hangouts and retreats, where we’d pray, make jokes, dance and laugh together but the effects of this too were temporary. There have been moments when I have had other friends buy me lunch or send me my favorite yogurt in the whole world and while these moments were thrilling, the effects too were temporary. I looked to the things that make me happy; I bought new books, went out to see the ocean, ate Chicken and Chips from Chicken Republic, visited new places and spent a lot of time with my friend, Debby …
hangout with church folks
day out to the ocean.
Yet, while all these things were, in that moment, very satisfying and distracting, there was still that void.
I’m learning that when everything else is laid low, the only person who could possibly fill this void and heal my heart completely is God. There is nothing else, outside of Him that can do this, nothing else.
Today, I’m passing this forward to you as well. If you have experienced a loss of some kind, say maybe a loving relationship or a person or a job or anything, your happiness is not in the next thing. It’s not in the next job or the next person. Because they do not have the capacity to, they can’t fill the void. One thing is sure though, if you give your heart to God, He will heal you. I can’t guarantee that it will happen immediately, but it will.
For me, I’ve been talking to God and I’ve handed my heart back to Him, telling Him to heal it and to shine His light beautifully through every where there are cracks. I’m looking to Him for His words – words which I’ll be holding unto and which will form the core of my confidence in this new season.
If you are reading this and you are hurting, I really pray that God heals you. That is the only thing I can offer for now, and maybe a plate of Jollof rice from Chicken Republic, one of these days if we meet. I wish you strength. I pray God helps you focus on the things that you should in this season. If there is anything that you need to work on, don’t quit on them. Feel the pain, take a break if you need to but get back to work.
Lastly, don’t forget to enjoy the moments that come, however fleeting. Those opportunities you get to laugh, they are gold. Take them.
I really do wish you strength.
With love 💛,
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